Male And Female Relationships
Praise Jesus today, everyone. I wanted to speak in regards to male and female relationships and how we can keep ourselves pure, and I wanted to just speak out of my own experience of things that I’ve learned over the years that have been able to keep myself from falling into sin and temptation or putting myself in an area for failure.
And actually, one of the things that I learned in regards to male and female relationships and keeping yourselves pure is when I was actually in church. Because when I was a pastor, I worked with junior high and high school students of both genders, of course. And the church had to set some rules that were just rules to keep us all safe and keep us from falling into any kind of sin. Because all of us have known or known about situations in churches where a lot of sexual immorality did happen, or the pastor had an adulterous affair. So when I was working with junior high and high school students oftentimes on a Wednesday night after a program, the students wouldn't all have a ride home, so inevitably they would be asking someone for a ride home, and I would be asked to give someone a ride home no problem with that. The only issue would be is if it was a single girl, say sixteen years old, that wanted a ride home from me, being say twenty years old or 25, and the issue of that obviously is there can be a sexual attraction there and even though I am as a mentor or as a pastor or a youth leader. It would be inappropriate for me to be taking a sixteen-year-old girl home. It could end up being a situation that she said this, I said that, and because there's no other witness, it would be my word against hers, even if absolutely nothing happened. Now, what if something happened? Then it would just be an absolute nightmare. And that kind of thing happens all the time within the Christian community. A pastor brings home a young girl and the young girl tries to make a move even on him and then says the pastor tried to molest her and then suddenly it's a huge lawsuit and that pastor is losing his job. Or the pastor can start having an emotional affair with a young lady because he has not kept himself pure and himself away from these kinds of relationships. So then he falls into adultery. Maybe he's married or he falls into fornication. He shouldn't be messing around with another woman, but he does. And so if we put rules in place in our own life, we will keep ourselves from a great amount of sin and a huge amount of harm.
One of those things is, the church actually taught me never take any girl home unless there is another person with you. If there's another adult with you, if there's two or three adults in the car and then you're taking one sixteen-year-old girl home, that's okay. Because there's multiple witnesses in the car and nothing is going to happen, but never be alone with the opposite sex one-on-one, that will lead to disaster. So if you make a rule for yourself, just as a man, that you will never be in your truck, in your car, or in your home alone with another woman, unless that is your wife. You will be in a much more secure position in your life. But if you don't have that rule for yourself, even if it's just you trying to do a good deed, take somebody home, gives a hitchhiker a ride, but it ends up being a young lady, you could find yourself in a huge lawsuit or worse, you yourself could fall into sin and you could be in a world of hurt. So protect yourself, protect your family, protect the body of Christ, and set rules up for your own life and for your own family, that you keep yourself unstained from the world and falling into this. Guys, all of us probably know personally or we have heard of a pastor that has fallen into sexual temptation. And this whole mentoring thing, trying to be a witness to people that can all be a front for sin. And a lot of pastors, because they are looked up to by young ladies, are also looking up to them, and they abuse their power and because they don't have protection in place. All of that's abused and they just fall into the sin again and again. So set up rules for yourself that are appropriate rules, rules that will protect you, don't ever be alone with a woman in your car, in your truck, in your house, or on your property, without someone else there to be a witness and to hold you accountable.
Another thing to keep in mind is the fact that you should not, as a man or a woman, be really mentoring the opposite sex ever. There is a time where a pastor or a preacher can be speaking to, of course, opposite genders, but you should be very leery of entering into a relationship where you're mentoring a young lady if you are a man one-on-one, whether that is over the phone, whether that is through text, whether that is on the internet, through Facebook or through some chat, or whether that is in person, because those kind of relationships, mentor and mentee, almost always lead to some kind of disaster. And I’m telling you, I've seen this often in the church. And so as the true body of Christ, we want to make sure that we don't fall into any kind of immorality, any kind of adultery or fornication, so don't mentor opposite sex. There is a time that is appropriate for a man and a young woman to talk to each other, and that would be the time that you are recording, if you are both single and you are both attracted to one another, then of course God allows men to pursue women. It's our duty as a man to go and pursue a woman out of love for marriage. You court a woman. And in a godly manner you pursue her for righteousness, that then you can be married. But to be a married man and to be mentoring a woman one-on-one is going to end in disaster for either her or your marriage or some other party. So keep yourself unstained from all of those problems.
Another problem that I see that's even worse than a man trying to mentor a young lady one-on-one, is women who think that they can mentor men. And in the scripture, we are also warned about this. The apostle Paul speaks about how he would never allow a woman to teach or lord her authority over a man. Yet there are some Christian women who think that it is their duty or a good idea or they can be a witness, or they can give their, they can make a ministry of mentoring younger men. And so they find men either on the internet or wherever it is, and then they start having these one-on-one mentee relationships where they are becoming as a teacher to men and learning their authority as if they are a spiritual leader over men. And this is a nightmare. Because women should be giving their ministry, their dedication to whatever men they are going to marry. So, if a man is pursuing you and you're a young lady and you're interested in that man, there is nothing wrong with you speaking with that man. That can enter into courtship and into true love into marriage. And that's great. But as a young woman in the church, you should never be trying to mentor a young man. And especially not one-on-one. All of these sorts of relationships between men and women and one-on-one this kind of mentorship teaching thing ends in disaster.
There is a time and a place for us to be encouraging one another in the body of Christ. Obviously, men can speak with women. But we have to be very careful to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves pure, to keep our marriages pure, and to make sure that we are not letting the devil into our heart. Way too easily the devil can start telling you, “You have feelings for this guy. You have feelings for this girl”. Far too quickly if you are a man who is trying to encourage some other young lady and if you're allowing her into your house very quickly, you're going to start having attractions for her if she's beautiful, even if you don't want to. And then suddenly, your wife is going to become jealous. Even if she doesn't have a jealous spirit, she is going to start getting jealous of this other lady that you're trying to mentor. And then the other lady is going to be thinking, “this husband and wife that I just wanted to glean a little bit of truth about God from, they're just jealous, they may be lusting after me. I don't want anything to do with the Christian faith.” So basically, you will make a Christian family and the truth of God, look, you tarnish it by trying to mentor a lady one-on-one. Now women, if you want to mentor young ladies, that is wonderful. Older women should mentor younger women. Older men should mentor younger men in the faith. And by doing this, we can be good examples. I can be a good example to younger men and older women or older in the faith, that is, to younger women in the faith, and that will all work out properly. But when things get mixed up, then that is when the devil gets in through adultery, fornication, all kinds of evil, affairs, jealousy, hatred, strife in our marriages and all that kind of stuff. So in order to eliminate all of those problems from our life and from the Christian life, make sure that you don't touch any of that stuff that causes impurity in your marriage or puts you in a place that leads you into temptation. I hope this encourages someone to live the Christian life in purity and in righteousness to be a good example and a mentor but not the opposite sex.
May the grace of Jesus be with you.